It’s Okay Not to Be Okay:
It’s How You Respond to Those Feelings That Matters Most
By Katherine E. McIntyre, MS, LPC, NCC
It is a custom in our society to ask someone how they are doing as we greet them. “How are you?” We might ask as we pass a co-worker on our way to get to our next meeting. It is in our nature to reply with something like “I’m good, and you?”
However, what if we aren’t “good”? What if we are really feeling anxious or depressed? What if all that is going on in the world really has us feeling overwhelmed?
Depending on our individual upbringing (among other things), our brains have been wired to respond in specific ways to our feelings. Some of us were taught to suppress our feelings; to speak nothing of them. Some of us were able to talk freely about our feelings with our families growing up.
Whatever the case may be, sometimes it is difficult to know what do to with our feelings when we experience them. As we scroll through our social media pages we see the perfect pictures of our family members, friends and acquaintances living their best lives. These images sometimes make our lives seem less exciting; inadequate even. We may then think to ourselves, “How are all of these other people doing so well while I’m not.”
Firstly, people show us the best parts of their lives on social media. Most people do not document in pictures the argument that they had with their partner, their child having a meltdown, their messy house, their stack of bills or the emotional pain that they may be experiencing. We are programed to paint the picture of perfection.
However, life isn’t perfect. It is messy. It is difficult. It is painful. Yet, it is beautifully imperfect and full of much joy as well. Just as the seasons change throughout the year, the seasons of our lives change too. It is in having experienced the difficult times that we can fully appreciate the wonderful times.
So, here I am telling you straight out; It is okay to not be okay. I think that right now many of us are just doing enough. Enough to get by for the time being. The heaviness of the world around us may not allow us to get beyond that right now.
Once we establish that we are not okay though, we need to decide what we can do to help ourselves become okay again. Not perfect, but at least okay. Here are a few ideas to help you on your journey:
Self-Care- Ask yourself, “What do I need right now?” Allow yourself some time for you each and every day. Even if you start with 5 minutes per day. Even if you have to wake up a few moments early or stay up a few minutes later, it is of the utmost importance.
Seek Out Help- Whether this be from a mental health professional, your doctor, or the listening ear of a dear friend; it is important that you start being okay with telling people that you are not okay. Talking about how you are feeling with others can also be inspiring to someone else who may be going through the same thing.
Start a Mindfulness Practice- In our chaotic world, one of the most effective things that can ease our stress levels is by allowing our brains to take a pause. This can be accomplished through a daily mindfulness practice. Even if you just start with a few minutes per day, it can be so impactful.
Find Fellowship- This might mean “gathering” virtually with friends or family members, finding a group of people who are feeling the same way that you are, or are interested in the same hobby. As human beings we crave fellowship and it is important to nurture this for our souls.
Harness Your Hygge- What is hygge you might ask? In the Danish culture, the word "hygge" is used to describe that feeling of comfort and coziness that offers a sense of contentment and well-being. There are many ways to create a feeling of hygge in your home, especially during the dark months of winter. Harnessing your hygge can elevate your daily mood.
Start a Journal or Write a Novel- The act of writing your feelings down can be so beneficial. Whether you start a daily journal, start the novel that you have always wanted to write; putting our feelings down on paper can be such a release. Journals can come in the form of any medium as well. You can make an art journal, nature journal; the sky is the limit.
This list is just a start to the things that you can do to nurture your soul when you need it most. Remember to stay in touch with how you are feeling, stay connected to the people in your life who bring you joy, reach out for help when and if you need it and remember to love yourself for who you are.
Many blessings to all of you,
Katie
